FISTING

Background: in spite of our best efforts, oats and i have never EVER been able to organize a trip without complications. not that there have been many, or any for that matter, apart from our hop and a skip to madrid, for her birthday last year. Anyhow.........i think i want to recount for posterity our NOT entirely hitch-free efforts to get ourselves over to madrid again.

FISTTTTTTTTTTT
sparkle, claiming poverty (``Oh change the record''), tells oats, ``sorry, can't.'' doesn't take much toil on oats' end to persuade sparkle otherwise. sparkle proceeds to get online and speedily purchases a ticket. sparkle is SHOCKED her credit card has gone through and grins the smirk of the smug. said action, involved FUKING oats out a ticket she had been eyeing up.
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST
oats gets online and is APPALLED that, courtesy of stealthy sparkle's online action, her ticket has doubled in price. adding salt to injury, it looks unlikely they will be on the same flight. they seem fated never to be.
<FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFISSSST
did i mention my credit card went through? who are we kidding. this is me afterall. and i do not inhabit a parallel universe. after a seething oats spends her last brass farthing on another ticket i get a prompt email saying my payment has not gone through afterall. a resigned oats stoically hands over her visa... bottoms up

HARMONY!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear. been stuck all day with the moniker HARMONY. I was so flapping bored, grumpy, annoyed, aggravated (you get the gist) that i did a string of ``which character in buffy are you'' tests

CLICK

harmony, for those not in the know, is a very unfortunate character in BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

she served today as an inadvertent muse to OATS all day, inspiring the rhyming a cappella version of the following, sung to the tune of the Bee Gees' Tragedy. listen, it's the only cheap laugh i got all day.

harmony!
when your hair is bad and your boyfriend's mad, you're harmony!
when the slayer's dead and you've got no bed, you're harmony!
you live in a crypt, you're going to be gypped,
you're harmony!

when you lose control and you've got no soul, you're harmony!
when you're staked in the heart, don't know where to start, you'
re harmony!

when the feeling's gone and you can't go on, you're harmony!
when the sun comes up, you'll shrivel up, you're haaarrrmmoooonn
nnyyyyyyyyyyyy

and just when i thought she had stopped:

YOU'VE GOT BUMPS ON YOUR HEAD, YOU'RE ONE OF THE UNDEAD, YOU'RE
HARMONY!

z: ``am worried. dont take heroin chic too far''

i mentioned this concern of z's to oats, and her quip was:
``you stick out your eyes and everthing else in your
face gets dwarfed.''

(er...cheers, oats )

this was followed by:

``your blog has become a shrine to yourself!''

``slightly deer-in-headlights.''


mmm...maybe i should re-entitle my blog flavia and her over-sized ego or turn it around and make it all about milena's cleavage.

amazing setting -- una chiesa sconsacrata

something caught both our attention

oldest of friends.

gao and meow

to me this picture incapsulates la sales, in all her nerdiness and sexiness, the walking contradiction

OPERATION HABBIT AND HAY
(or ``I got shot in africaaaaaaaa'')

seven years ago the fraps met, and sparked. it's a rare thing and for those old enough to know that the spark is that rarest of miracles. glad to say there was no seven-year itch to be had by us. since that fatidic day when i sported an over-sized school girl look, p was magooed, z was at the peak of her whinging best -- on the edge of the NJ turnpike -- we have convened, we have clashed, we have traded our most intimate secrets (well, i have no secrets, a by-product of being indiscreet) we have move ON and we have move BACK, but we were always fraps.
today we planned our summit, in lagos (would ANY of you fraps thought it possible seven years ago?!) and i cannot even remember when we were all together (was it p's stab at stand-up comedy in NY too many moons ago?)
so here are a few unedited, uncamouflaged snapspot of the ultimate plot to get the fraps to collide, once more, in all the splendour that is the twilight of the gods.

over to P, an oversexed, plus-40 frap:
take one
am not
insatiable. am just peaking. i'm in my prime!
OKSO AM VERY EXCITED about this trip. We will rock the
continent. Stories will be told about our visit for years to
come.
take two
i am
a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad girl just waiting to get
away to another country to flip out. yeah!!!!! can we find a
square jawed man in Lagos.
take three
I'll show those locals a thing or two, that's for sure
take four
that's right, when you ask Mama P to roll into town you
are taking your chances. I'm a se*ual explosion waiting to
happen all over the place
take five
i can see it now
flav and I in jail, deported back to the UK.
for "lewd and lascivious" conduct. we'll create an
international incident. will require diplomats

f, the ambivalent one:
p and i
will case the joint. x chromosomes to p. y to me.
scraps to z
p's retort: excellent! then there will be no competition. should we go
for the local animals as well?

a desolate z, regretful of her kind offer:
i can't believe it. i was getting months of advice from you and
then....hellion whores on wheels are threating to storm
uh, no. nothing on blog. oh dear god. monsters unleashed.


TOO LATE BABY

keeper of the garden

Repubblica TODAY : ...e quando la cronista dell'agenzia Bloomberg chiede se l'unica cosa tiene insieme l'Unione sia l'odio per Berlusconi, risponde: ``Io non lo odio, Anzi, anche lui si trucca e si mette i tacchi.''

the ever-elusive laurence allows his profile to be taken.
4 giddy women swilling vodka and playing cards wore him down.
but he kept his composure intact.

baaaa

baaaa

Watch the video

(baaaaaa: an insufficient homage to la sales and her love for the lambies)

To X

FRUITY

Whiskers should never be cut or trimmed
They help a cat feel its way around, when he is angry they pull
back, when happy or curious they push forward.
The whisker's primary use is to help a cat judge whether or not
he'll fit through an opening. A cat's whiskers are roughly as
wide as his body -- sort of a natural ruler. The whisker tips
are sensitive to pressure. You'll probably see a cat stick his
head in and out of an opening before he puts his body in. He's
judging the width of the opening, and is determining if he can
fit into it.

Russians clearly thrilled at the thought of seeing an embalmed lenin


a raccoon

A yeti and three small feet

the catfur's debut. but everything got blurry after the
horseradish vodka. all 10 of them.

Flavianka, Fried Eggs, A Flem-Spewing Moritz, Won't-Slay-A-Turkey Theo and Raring to Go Rainer
hit the snow to seek out moscow night life. a few hickups on the way and a few casualties
the survivors did in the end find the promised land, only to be denied access by some fuk-off guards.
anyway...flashback to one of our stopping points.
scene of (in no particular order): the poodle, the siberian girls making out in the toilets, theo blowing kisses shortly before shocking the DJ with an unexpected question. and other stuff.

The Russians love it..

Why is it that everyone rebels to my camera lense?
spades, and bean soup with my girls

Marina Klimova and Sergei Ponomarenko
1992 Winter Olympics, you made me weep

babies for sale. 5 dolla (chingchong..)

TOP FIVE QUOTES WHILE DRUNK

1. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. (sir winston)
2. All the passions are extinguished with old age. Self-love never dies.(american Proverb)
3.Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay. (robert frost)
4. I'm an alcholic
I'm a drug addict.
I'm homosexual.
I'm a genius.(capote)
5. We have met too late, Mr. Yeats, and you are too old be influenced by me. (joyce on yeat's 40th bday)

more to ensue...

HEADS UP, THIS IS A PRECURSOR TO THE 1920S PARTY, FEB. 17 (U.S. OF FLAPPING A SPELLING)

SO PLEASE PICK AND CHOOSE BETWEEN THESE TWO

A. G.G.
B. M.D.

'I WANT THAT ONE"

(actually, in view of the aformentioned post, no, i would not have sex with it, whoever, i want that one)
for those not in the know,
i present to you,
andy from little britain


your proudly 1/4 anglo-saxon

CAN I HAVE SEX WITH THIS HANDWRITING?

anyway, if you are interested in finding out the more about the barrage of this person's interests, that range from lipstick to fernanda eberstadt, please comment.

ps It's all about the LISTS

to **** . you know who you are.

huffy puffy. stella seems very focused. flash animated.
topic: unknown

a bit kooky

lady lip unfolds her hands...presents to you

sister wendy, brokebacking princess sparkle.


as a precursor to a rabble-rousing bout of spades
popcorn was popped, chickpeas were consumer
no alcoholic beverages were consumed (sigh)

`` I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes
to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he
thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why
don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the
eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about
relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy,
and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it
because, uh, most of us... need the eggs''

YOURS, IN NEED OF EGGS.