31 October, 2006

Yup that too

after ramming my own fist into a wall i figure maybe this is a better outlet

YUP they do

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

27 October, 2006


YUP. er. YUP. afraid i too, at the venerable age of 30, have succumbed to the power of the playstation. ``ok, ok, just one more!''
......hours of unadultarated, uncensored fun hammering oats's buxom Mai over the head with a virtual fist. while receiving many a spinning kick in the virtual nuts of my ponsy alter-ego iori

26 October, 2006

solitary man -- cash revisited

Dont know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl wholl stay
And wont play games behind me
Ill be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

24 October, 2006

an underrated gem every self-respecting film buff should own

un oceano..........

di Silenzio scorre lento
senza centro né principio
cosa avrei visto del mondo
senza questa luce che illumina
i miei pensieri neri.
(Der Schmerz, der Stillstand des Lebens
Lassen die Zeit zu lang erscheinen
Quanta pace trova l'anima dentro
scorre lento il tempo di altre leggi
di un'altra dimensione
e scendo dentro un Oceano di Silenzio
sempre in calma.
(Und mir scheint fast
Dass eine dunkle Erinnerung mir sagt
Ich hatte in fernen Zeiten
Dort oben oder in Wasser gelebt

next year you're getting a rice maker

and bring me your goddam spare camera so i can blog you! and more importantly ME.

cheesed out. yours the crowbar and cassandra (the siren on my BUTT and BACK)

p.s. and don't krause me again!

21 October, 2006

how soon is now?

i mean for take-off (not the quintessential song by the smiths). people to see. plants to water. margheritas to make. am worryingly sober. and frankfurted out.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6.....

england'd better prevail

one-act play
f: change of plan. repeat change of plan. proceed to plan b.
m: eh?
f: go to oddone high. retrieve keys. meet with oats, naps and b flash. take off see you there.
m: ok

hours later:

f: are you on your way?
b flash: england'd better prevail

f: is maude with you?
b flash: someone's farting in the car. we thought it was naps.

the genius of ogden nash

"The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo; the other, milk."

keeping me (chuckling) and going. as my flight gets delayed (again), because of "complications" to airplane. errrrrrrrr. his is getting ridic. will i ever see italian soil again or be doomed to be tom hank's female counterpart in the Terminal II.

what would you die for?

perhaps i've spent too much time in the great north, a place i find is terrible for one's complexion, and the forlorn faces of drunk finns coupled with the worrying statistics on their suicide rates has got me thinking, in this airport louge, as my eyes are heavy with sleep, what for? if life is such a gift, can death be one too? i've always thought it could be. for an ideal. for the person you love. even for yourself. perhaps i should not have brought with me that cheery fellow that is cesare pavese, who thought he'd leave us with the following parting words:

«Perdono tutti e a tutti chiedo perdono. Va bene? Non fate troppi pettegolezzi», hand-written in the Dialoghi con Leuco, by his bedside table.

and i think, why oh why? surely it takes life to love life. anyway, damn those bloody finns. if i never see one again in my life i will call myself lucky. and i'm putting this book away. and turning to the far more fruitful, National Enquirer. tits. arse. etc. etc. and maybe a gummy or two.

the power of the gummy

those who know me, also know of my love for the GUMMY

stranded in frankfurt, moving from dump to dump, and with that sinking feeling in my (very bloated) stomach that i'll never make it back to rome, never mind home to maremma...what keeps me going? yes, uh-huh, that's right.
the gummy bear. so good for you, chock-block full of ingredients paramount for a balanced diet: GELATIN, CITRIC & LACTIC ACID, NATURE & ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING, ARTIFICIAL COLORS INCLUDING RED A40, YELLOW A5 & A6, BLUE A1, MINERAL OIL, CARNAUBA WAX.

20 October, 2006

tired, crankly, frustrated

before...President Vladimir Putin's rape joke threatened to overshadow talks today about giving European companies more access to Russian oil and gas.
So European Union leaders chose to ignore it.
after.... European Union leaders said summit talks didn't include discussion of a joke by Russian President Vladimir Putin about rape allegations against Israeli President Moshe Katsav.

butcher me why don't you.

19 October, 2006

Gimme a D! Gimme a U!

Gimme an M! Gimme a P!

what does that spell?

uh-huh, that's right Finland

and their contribution to world cuisine:

mämmi, a dark brown porridge made of water and sweetened rye malt.


sleeping koala

when in finland, do as the finns do.......

17 October, 2006

england prevails

``A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.''

- another affectionate heads-up to the man that is WINSTON

16 October, 2006

am ready for Day Watch to take over

``If you're in the mood for a bizarre hybrid of The Matrix and Buffy The Vampire Slayer Russian style, then Night Watch is the film for you''

and a little one act-play:

f: who is the svetlana character in nightwatch?
O: the virgin

10 minutes later....
o: OHH CRAP i was looking at daywatch pics and i saw a pic of anton
and svetlana kissing. spoilerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i KRAUSED myself
f: *sly grin*

a fist wrapped in blood

.......``Every night I cut out my heart but in the morning it was full again.''

1973 - the year of magical film-making (and births)

the enigmatic malick

don't look now....

..spirit of the beehive.......

....The Day of the Dolphin (er)


.....I walked home thinking of another place of seemingly endless summers, and the shade of different kinds of trees, and winters where the branches of the trees were bare, so bare that recalling them now seems unconceivable to me that I looked at them and did not think of the summer just gone and the spring to come, as an illusion, as a dream never fulfilled, never to be fulfilled.

13 October, 2006

a taste of the future a one-act play

O: soon enough, i'm predicting like in a year or so...we won't even have to open our mouths. the oneness will be so complete that we'll just be in constant stitches reading eah other's minds
f: i know. the whole talking thing has become somewhat redundant i find.


o: *nods*
f: *loud chuckle*
..*fist in hand*
0: *nods knowingly*
f: *knows that tonight there isn't a chance in hell she will go with to the film festival. instead gets lost in thought thinking about watching NIGHTWATCH and listening to music in oats central*
f: *thinks to herself: bliss*
O: *agrees vehemently!!!!*
f: *passing concern for maude abandonment quickly dispelled*
O: *thinks of which enoteca to hit on the way home*
f: *thinks: buy 2 pack of fags!*
o: *wonders if pal will answer her phone*
f *indignant!*

The Knife

a new joint obsession is born

coming round to la bollocks

was never a fan of sandra bullock, i must say, (the whole cutesy thing she had going) but she's no meg ryan and i started coming round with MURDER BY NUMBERS. at that point i felt i had the stomach to stomach MISS CONGENIALITY. by that point, bent in half with the chuckles (o'houlihan), i've just continued to be more and more impressed. CRASH... then came the clincher LOVERBOY, frankly in a small cameo in a oddball film playing a Mrs Harker she was luminous, radiant, moving. i was sold! as was oats. anyway, now INFAMOUS..

``Joining their ranks is Nelle Harper Lee, played by Sandra Bullock with far more weariness than Catherine Keener brought to Capote. She's allowed long monologues, to the point where the movie for a while becomes more about her own failure to follow To Kill a Mockingbird than Capote's inability to write anything of any consequence after In Cold Blood. Would that Bullock, at last proving she's more estimable an actress than her choices would suggest, were allowed to devote an entire film to Lee's story.'' (village Voice)

NOW, if i don't mind my beloved CK being compared unfavourably to someone else, we know this is nothing short of an epiphany.

end of eulogy, yours a fan of the bollocks

*hoi, all, oats here, guest-blogging as i am wont to do on occasion (or rather as F wants me to do on occasion).
we love the bollox, deep down in our hearts. woo woo. oh, and grumpy lumpy, rumpy pumpy and gao gao, while i'm at it.
i'm currently inculcating F into the joy, wonder and obsession that is The Knife, so see you at sxg.

un sogno

poi, d'improvviso, mi sciolse le mani
e le mie braccia divennero ali,
quando mi chiese - Conosci l'estate
io, per un giorno, per un momento,
corsi a vedere il colore del vento.

10 October, 2006

Patches O'Houlihan

possibly one of the greatest comic creations in recent years. possibly ever

some of his greatest hits, before sadly R.I.P.ing 2/3rds of the way through Dodgeball (``a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation'')

take one.. -- training methods

Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.

take two -- finding new talent

Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!

take three -- the PEP talk

Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.

take four -- beyond the grave

Patches O'Houlihan: [Giving advice from beyond the grave to Peter LaFleur at the climactic game] Listen up, crotch stain. Remember your training, and trust your instincts. You can do it! I believe in you! Bye-bye!

dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge

free hao campaign

while in asia, i was made aware of this


it makes for a compelling read, disturbing and distressing for those who know him, and only slightly less so for those like me separated from hao by one degree of separation.

09 October, 2006

what does a hag do when she loses her fag?

i had some disturbing news yesterday and at the risk of going all carrie bradshaw on you, i ask you, what DOES one do?

eve best -- england's finest actress

Height: 5 Feet 10 Inches
Hair: Dark Brown
Eyes: Hazel

Nationality: British
Natural Accent: RP

* first saw her in my favourite play: tis pity she's a whore. and she blew me away. since then been following her career closely. so..........

totties, come november, we are going to the thEAATre, the old vic to be precise. i need a second fix of lady eve.

08 October, 2006

traumatic returns

first 10 things that pop to my mind.
1. latent realization that it's NOT normal to walk around 24/7 in a bikini. alas, that is what i have been doing for 3 weeks and somehow clothes seemed terribly cumbersome and how can i put it, redundant? BA flight attendant ever-so-nicely informed me my attire might not be appropriate. it seems, according to unsourced witness accounts, that i had a tit hanging out.
2. maude. even without mushrooms she was satanic on my homecoming. she has grown. and did her ever-so-touching on-the-spot pee pee on seeing me. the fact that she does that with everyone or everything with/without a pulse is a point lost on yours robinson cruisette. sadly, no disrespectful canine humping to report, as yet.
3. stacks of bills, mail, chores. enough to drive kafka potty and me sane.
4. compelled, sexually almost, to ostia within minutes of landing, such was the lust for the sea, the salt, the doomed search for the green wave to surf. clearly, disappointment ensued in the form of some saggy arsed nudists, toxic waste and dead calm. michael and a bottle of white were a quick and satisfying fix
5. have become even more resistent to the concept of personal hygiene after a month almost of sea water and nothing else. must i shower. the thought is distateful. will sleep on it. tomorrow i have to get up VERY early. maybe i can shower wednesday.
6. god is a surfer. i believe so. and he's a girl. a girl surfer.
7. if you cannot surf then you must skate board. that is surf. on asphalt.
8. unresolved crushes. things were left unsaid before i went. stuff was said and taken back while i was gone. on my return i decided to ``take the fifth'' and plea temporary insanity or permanent loss of mental faculties and fine tune the art of sentimental dodgeball. crushes are for teenagers. love is for your 20s. i am 30. the decade for botox.
10. i got another tattoo. just kidding.
lesson learnt. always heed oats. she says it best. hers are words of wisdom: ``eschew the cashew''

turtle hugging

a heart palp away from KM

surf surf surf surf forever surf

a prayer to owen meany

"When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time - the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers."