Background: in spite of our best efforts, oats and i have never EVER been able to organize a trip without complications. not that there have been many, or any for that matter, apart from our hop and a skip to madrid, for her birthday last year. Anyhow.........i think i want to recount for posterity our NOT entirely hitch-free efforts to get ourselves over to madrid again.
sparkle, claiming poverty (``Oh change the record''), tells oats, ``sorry, can't.'' doesn't take much toil on oats' end to persuade sparkle otherwise. sparkle proceeds to get online and speedily purchases a ticket. sparkle is SHOCKED her credit card has gone through and grins the smirk of the smug. said action, involved FUKING oats out a ticket she had been eyeing up.
oats gets online and is APPALLED that, courtesy of stealthy sparkle's online action, her ticket has doubled in price. adding salt to injury, it looks unlikely they will be on the same flight. they seem fated never to be.
did i mention my credit card went through? who are we kidding. this is me afterall. and i do not inhabit a parallel universe. after a seething oats spends her last brass farthing on another ticket i get a prompt email saying my payment has not gone through afterall. a resigned oats stoically hands over her visa... bottoms up
28 February, 2006
Oh dear. been stuck all day with the moniker HARMONY. I was so flapping bored, grumpy, annoyed, aggravated (you get the gist) that i did a string of ``which character in buffy are you'' tests
harmony, for those not in the know, is a very unfortunate character in BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
she served today as an inadvertent muse to OATS all day, inspiring the rhyming a cappella version of the following, sung to the tune of the Bee Gees' Tragedy. listen, it's the only cheap laugh i got all day.
when your hair is bad and your boyfriend's mad, you're harmony!
when the slayer's dead and you've got no bed, you're harmony!
you live in a crypt, you're going to be gypped,
when you lose control and you've got no soul, you're harmony!
when you're staked in the heart, don't know where to start, you'
when the feeling's gone and you can't go on, you're harmony!
when the sun comes up, you'll shrivel up, you're haaarrrmmoooonn
and just when i thought she had stopped:
YOU'VE GOT BUMPS ON YOUR HEAD, YOU'RE ONE OF THE UNDEAD, YOU'RE
27 February, 2006
z: ``am worried. dont take heroin chic too far''
i mentioned this concern of z's to oats, and her quip was:
``you stick out your eyes and everthing else in your
face gets dwarfed.''
(er...cheers, oats )
this was followed by:
``your blog has become a shrine to yourself!''
mmm...maybe i should re-entitle my blog flavia and her over-sized ego or turn it around and make it all about milena's cleavage.
26 February, 2006
24 February, 2006
OPERATION HABBIT AND HAY
(or ``I got shot in africaaaaaaaa'')
seven years ago the fraps met, and sparked. it's a rare thing and for those old enough to know that the spark is that rarest of miracles. glad to say there was no seven-year itch to be had by us. since that fatidic day when i sported an over-sized school girl look, p was magooed, z was at the peak of her whinging best -- on the edge of the NJ turnpike -- we have convened, we have clashed, we have traded our most intimate secrets (well, i have no secrets, a by-product of being indiscreet) we have move ON and we have move BACK, but we were always fraps.
today we planned our summit, in lagos (would ANY of you fraps thought it possible seven years ago?!) and i cannot even remember when we were all together (was it p's stab at stand-up comedy in NY too many moons ago?)
so here are a few unedited, uncamouflaged snapspot of the ultimate plot to get the fraps to collide, once more, in all the splendour that is the twilight of the gods.
over to P, an oversexed, plus-40 frap:
insatiable. am just peaking. i'm in my prime!
OKSO AM VERY EXCITED about this trip. We will rock the
continent. Stories will be told about our visit for years to
a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad girl just waiting to get
away to another country to flip out. yeah!!!!! can we find a
square jawed man in Lagos.
I'll show those locals a thing or two, that's for sure
that's right, when you ask Mama P to roll into town you
are taking your chances. I'm a se*ual explosion waiting to
happen all over the place
i can see it now
flav and I in jail, deported back to the UK.
for "lewd and lascivious" conduct. we'll create an
international incident. will require diplomats
f, the ambivalent one:
p and i
will case the joint. x chromosomes to p. y to me.
scraps to z
p's retort: excellent! then there will be no competition. should we go
for the local animals as well?
a desolate z, regretful of her kind offer:
i can't believe it. i was getting months of advice from you and
then....hellion whores on wheels are threating to storm
uh, no. nothing on blog. oh dear god. monsters unleashed.
TOO LATE BABY
23 February, 2006
21 February, 2006
16 February, 2006
Whiskers should never be cut or trimmed
They help a cat feel its way around, when he is angry they pull
back, when happy or curious they push forward.
The whisker's primary use is to help a cat judge whether or not
he'll fit through an opening. A cat's whiskers are roughly as
wide as his body -- sort of a natural ruler. The whisker tips
are sensitive to pressure. You'll probably see a cat stick his
head in and out of an opening before he puts his body in. He's
judging the width of the opening, and is determining if he can
fit into it.
12 February, 2006
Flavianka, Fried Eggs, A Flem-Spewing Moritz, Won't-Slay-A-Turkey Theo and Raring to Go Rainer
hit the snow to seek out moscow night life. a few hickups on the way and a few casualties
the survivors did in the end find the promised land, only to be denied access by some fuk-off guards.
anyway...flashback to one of our stopping points.
scene of (in no particular order): the poodle, the siberian girls making out in the toilets, theo blowing kisses shortly before shocking the DJ with an unexpected question. and other stuff.
04 February, 2006
TOP FIVE QUOTES WHILE DRUNK
1. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. (sir winston)
2. All the passions are extinguished with old age. Self-love never dies.(american Proverb)
3.Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay. (robert frost)
4. I'm an alcholic
I'm a drug addict.
I'm a genius.(capote)
5. We have met too late, Mr. Yeats, and you are too old be influenced by me. (joyce on yeat's 40th bday)
more to ensue...
03 February, 2006
`` I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes
to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he
thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why
don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the
eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about
relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy,
and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it
because, uh, most of us... need the eggs''
YOURS, IN NEED OF EGGS.