adventures in the caribbean - part 1

arrival to santo domingo.
we stay at fab former nunnery
tot a stays at pal's airy and ravishing apartment with sybaritic terrace furniture.
tot a dying. or so he professes. we insist it is a 24 hour bug.



smoke furiously around him
laddling lashings of gin and vod down our throats in full heady excitement at imminent beach hols



develop small coterie of adoring dominican youth
and proceed to drink copious amounts of rum (53% proof and from guadeloupe).
ignore local colonial sights.
make mild attempt to visit historic attractions but are all closed for bank holiday.



accompany a now muribund tot at to VERY important work meeting (social enterprise/peace keeping/UN)
said very important work contact is in fact dull soph and total bridge fodder
surely christian. so we proceed to drive her away with primal laughter the occasional contemptuous cackle. and risque jokes.

and the odd bust thrust manouver
with another batch of fans, v and f engage in numerous rounds of shag marriage bridge porno version.
ditch coterie in small hours. pop into local dive for the proverbial roadie.
tot v awakens in same bed as f. naked and dribbling. forgetting who she is
and banging on about her luggage. finds one of alberto's pubes between toes.
36 hours later tot a has dropped to half his body weight and is proned on terrace
in dramatic consumptive pose. unable to speak. trembling lightly.
we ignore him. his imminent death unless antibiotics are taken is of little interest



tof f starts getting ansty and demanding beach time immediately



tot v plays loyal wife. lays hand on forehead of tot a in concerned fashion
puffing delicately at local cig.
bored now they watch excrecable film (love in time of cholera)
tot a spends night retching violently

while
tot v and f go out in search of more dives
develop instinctual understanding of local bar culture.
whilst avoiding all natives (KKKEEEENNNYA) and bang on about the days of the raj.



at one nameless haunt with random domino set
we engage in a rousing bout of this intellectually challenging game
having no idea of rules of engagement


proceed to call mothers, friends and siblings forgetting time difference
demanding rules of game IMMEDIATELY
receive text from tiz morning after, inquiring as to health and sanity
silence on the vestibule front.

prelude to last night in santo domingo



massive party thrown in our honour
we wear fetching frox
tot a's jeans are now hanging loosely from hips
where there was an ass
there is now a cavity
regardless
tot v and f are charged with purchase of liquids
which they carry out with aplomb
and decide to reward themselves
with a quickie at fave dive aka PROUD MARY
three hours later realize they are late for own party
yet shrug off queries as to whereabouts with casual disdain and inane grinning
proceed to ignore room of pretty girls, the finest fillies this fair town has to offer

and make bee line
for anorexic german chap who regales f with stories of his child abuse at hands of brother's friend
tot f is transfixed
lady v cornered by a fat fag
tot a surrounded by adoring females as per.

day after stumble to catch micro light plane (english patient like)


tot a can hardly stumble across tarmac.
picturing ourselves as laterday kristin scott thomases in fetching white chiffon.
instead lady v is sweaty and terrified as tot f grins sadistically