Fast Times

fuk me sideways with a chainsaw. i've just poured myself a stiff drink just to let it all unwind and entwine

i've come to a realization tonight. not sure i can call it an epiphany. but it's just, simply, this.
i LOVE this country. and for someone as rootless and confused as i, it's some feat. I HATE this country, and for someone as judgmental as i, hey, that's no surprise. more to the point, i LOVE and HATE its south, north, east and west. i hate it enough to subliminally, mischievously, callously, short-sightedly want berlusconi to win because professionally,hey, he's more "fun,'' "rationally" i think to pick Prodi is the "lesser of two evils," but BY JOVE do i love this country enough to LOATHE seeing a pair of would-be pensioners SLUG IT out in pitiful and demeaning fashion, and to ABHOR it being the mockingbird of the international press. and to think that after 50 years of ROT, it's shameful nothing better has emerged. must something DIE for a phoenix to emerge from the ashes. must we sink ROCK BOTTOM before being reborn. is THIS rock bottom? i kind of hoped it was but, no, i think not. WHO MUST I KILL for something to change? what must i do to spare myself hearing the word "communist'' thrown around like a cheap trinket, by turns a sickle and a hammer. is italy ready to move ON? are we ready to offload the relics of our past? are we ready to give up holding on to our glorious history, confront our ABYSMAL present and face our UNCERTAIN future? someone throw me a bone. because this is where i am at. my life, by and against my will, is intrisically tied to this country and its people. i relate to everything and nothing. in utter despair: i clutch, randomly, onto this

Old Lorenz Lowenhielm: You must also know that I shall be with you every day that is granted to me from now on. Every evening I shall sit down to dine with you. Not with my body, which is of no importance, but with my soul. Because this evening I have learned, my dear, that in this beautiful world of ours, all things are possible. IBabette's Feast)

yours black and white (grey exists but it jars with my complexion), i hope for such a miracle
give me a FIRE STARTER