Patches O'Houlihan

possibly one of the greatest comic creations in recent years. possibly ever

some of his greatest hits, before sadly R.I.P.ing 2/3rds of the way through Dodgeball (``a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation'')


take one.. -- training methods

Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.

take two -- finding new talent

Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!

take three -- the PEP talk

Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.

take four -- beyond the grave

Patches O'Houlihan: [Giving advice from beyond the grave to Peter LaFleur at the climactic game] Listen up, crotch stain. Remember your training, and trust your instincts. You can do it! I believe in you! Bye-bye!

dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge