03 May, 2007

Saint Flavia Domitilla



my love for saints, and their lives, but most of all their deaths, is well-documented.
there are apocryphal accounts of how flavia the younger used to re-enact with fervour and conviction different forms of martydom with her sister, alessia, acting as a pliable, but for the better part, expressionless assistant. saint agatha was of course a crowd-pleaser among a privileged audience composed of 2 inanimate StuffedAnimals so it's with SOME dismay that i look into my OWN saint, ``celebrated'' this coming monday, May 7.
she was a certain roman noblewoman, known as Flavia Domitilla, living in Christian and Jew-hating times at Roman Empire High. Her ``fame'' as far as i can see seems to reside in her powers of persuasion. Convincing her husband, a consul, to commit suicide so that a vote in the Senate (that approved the massacre of all jews and christians, christians and jews) would be indefinitely delayed. In the time it would take to get a new consul elected (ie FOREVER, bureaucracy being then what it is now..) Flav Dom had time to set the wheels in motion for phase two of her cunning plan. Husband dispatched, F.D. -- a feisty filly -- got to work on getting a servant to assassinate the emperor Domitian, who happened to be a relative. She pulled that off too. She probably figured, round about now, that it was time to get the HELL out of town. So she set sail (banished, yeah right) to Pantalleria, a glorious island near Sicily, and died in her 90s!

am sorry. i feel robbed. where are the saintlike qualities exactly? the hacked breasts? the eyes yanked out? the wheel? ufff.

14 comments:

Lady V said...

I'll see you and raise you one. Saint Catherine. Used to drink bowls of pus as a penance. Mmm, broth anyone....

Anonymous said...

Mine just told people not to do anything that was fun. What a tosser.

Just watched "Stick It" at your instigation. A bit perky for my taste, though I felt a bit warm to Missy Peregrym. And there was the consolation of the lovely Kellan Lutz (who was delightful in "The Comeback", Lisa Kudrow's vehicle). But the happy ending felt just too damn certain.

Anonymous said...

ms peregrym is a canadian...enough said. and a quebecois which earns her extra brownie points..
as for the film...well quality teen cruds are few and far between as we know...this was run of the mill at best but you got take what you can while you can...
and kudos for giving her NO love (direct) love interest.

Anonymous said...

I assumed she was locked in some weird Electra-l love affair with Jeff Bridges?

Or is my mind a cess-pool that's creating ickiness where there is none?

Anonymous said...

as an aside. i think i was damaged from seeing brother sun, sister moon (the zeffirelli vehicle) at too tender an age. i never quite got over my crush on the bare-bottomed st. francis of assisi.

Anonymous said...

yes my duc. my mind is also in the gutter (on the bridges theory as with all else) but it looks to the stars. ahem

Anonymous said...

Talking of quality teen crud, I was shocked in HMV today to see "O" being flogged off for £3. It's one of my favourite Shakespeare-set-in-a-high-school movies. It's worth ten times that...

Anonymous said...

Are you KIDDING (to use an americanism). i love a bit of choco-latte lovin' O. julia stiles. always loved her. not sure why. must have been biz of strangers. (ps i trust you bought the bargain 3 squidder)
i do miss that mid 90s shakespeare inspired teen-crud renaissance. we had some crackers..bring it on. O. ten things i hate about you. she's all that. to name the first that come to mind.

Anonymous said...

ps bit disappointed in hindsight that the dostoevsky-inspired teen crud sub-genre didn't take off. i thought crime and punishment in suburbia (2000) not half bad.

Scorpio said...

Quebecois...pffft.

As a Canadian by fornication...I have nothing further to say. My husband hates them, so therefore do I.

Moncton, New Brunswick! Now there's a remote location, from which Paul's mother Benoitte hails.

Julia Stiles? Save The Last Dance for me.

sxg said...

asides aside, not sure why you're so miffed at your saint's history, pal.
she offs her husband and all other interfering males and whiles away the remainder of her days in blissful SILENCE, alone, and with a glorious tan.
not all bad, eh? (as the canadians say?)

albeo said...

My saint was locked in a library all day reading obscure texts.

Reminds me of someone... uhm...

MicNic said...

Gewurztraminer 2006 di St. Michael (thanks Naps)

Becky Flash said...

I'm kind of stuck on the part where she convinced her husband to commit suicide. That just sounds like an incredible investment in time and mindfuckery.